May

May is almost over. It started out full of promise.

How naive I was to talk of summer daffodils in April. April brought the death of a friend, farmer Ted. It brought the death of my brother-in-law Tom who suffered with lung and liver cancer.
May began with promise but then brought the death of my third grandson, Travis Leo. My daughter was four and a half months pregnant and Travis just...died. She delivered him May 8 and we buried him with his brother, Alex May 12.

To begin with, it is inconceivable to me that my daughter has three sons, but that two would be deceased boggles my mind. My daughter is the best mother I have ever seen. Why fate denies her bringiing up good people in this weary world is beyond me. I don't understand and I don't think there is any logical reason to justify her and my son-in-law's pain and anguish. I cry but tears cannot wash away pain and sorrow and the unbearable anger at the total unfairness of these tragedies. I don't want to plant flowers on graves. I want to hold laughing children in my arms. I want to hear my daughter laugh without the underlying fear of more pain. I wanted so much for my children and have since discovered that although I raised them and sent them out into the world with educations, my preparations were pitifully inadequate. We, as humans, take so much for granted.