I have learned....
Life is short, even when you're 88. My mother has 6 mos. to a year to live. She has stage 3 dementia and has been having strokes. She has brain damage and she no longer can swallow comfortably. The doctor wanted to put in a feeding tube. We won't/can't allow that. She pulled constantly at a brace when she broke her arm, I can imagine the havoc if she pulled a feeding tube out. The doctor's solution was to keep her drugged. I have learned that life at any cost is not life - it is just painful existence.
Hopes and dreams can be crushed in an instant. The loss of my two grandsons proved that.
Joy can come in small, energetic packages. We spent last evening with my living grandson, Sam, who celebrated his fourth birthday. He played and laughed and giggled and energized my heart and soul.
That love is unending and boundless. My daughter who has been devastated by the loss of two sons had the endless love to hug me and ask how I was. She gave me a gift of comfort that I am so grateful for.
That life, although uncertain, is still worth living.
Wishing you all bright blessings.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
May
May is almost over. It started out full of promise.
How naive I was to talk of summer daffodils in April. April brought the death of a friend, farmer Ted. It brought the death of my brother-in-law Tom who suffered with lung and liver cancer.
May began with promise but then brought the death of my third grandson, Travis Leo. My daughter was four and a half months pregnant and Travis just...died. She delivered him May 8 and we buried him with his brother, Alex May 12.
To begin with, it is inconceivable to me that my daughter has three sons, but that two would be deceased boggles my mind. My daughter is the best mother I have ever seen. Why fate denies her bringiing up good people in this weary world is beyond me. I don't understand and I don't think there is any logical reason to justify her and my son-in-law's pain and anguish. I cry but tears cannot wash away pain and sorrow and the unbearable anger at the total unfairness of these tragedies. I don't want to plant flowers on graves. I want to hold laughing children in my arms. I want to hear my daughter laugh without the underlying fear of more pain. I wanted so much for my children and have since discovered that although I raised them and sent them out into the world with educations, my preparations were pitifully inadequate. We, as humans, take so much for granted.
How naive I was to talk of summer daffodils in April. April brought the death of a friend, farmer Ted. It brought the death of my brother-in-law Tom who suffered with lung and liver cancer.
May began with promise but then brought the death of my third grandson, Travis Leo. My daughter was four and a half months pregnant and Travis just...died. She delivered him May 8 and we buried him with his brother, Alex May 12.
To begin with, it is inconceivable to me that my daughter has three sons, but that two would be deceased boggles my mind. My daughter is the best mother I have ever seen. Why fate denies her bringiing up good people in this weary world is beyond me. I don't understand and I don't think there is any logical reason to justify her and my son-in-law's pain and anguish. I cry but tears cannot wash away pain and sorrow and the unbearable anger at the total unfairness of these tragedies. I don't want to plant flowers on graves. I want to hold laughing children in my arms. I want to hear my daughter laugh without the underlying fear of more pain. I wanted so much for my children and have since discovered that although I raised them and sent them out into the world with educations, my preparations were pitifully inadequate. We, as humans, take so much for granted.
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