Flaws

I made my daughter an angel to wear on her coat. A ribbon angel representing our grandson Alex who died three weeks before he was to be born. It is a loss I grieve over every single day since that awful call May 9 when Catherine tearfully told me they couldn't find a heartbeat when she went in for her routine check-up. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of Alex or Sam, my living grandson. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder why my child, why did she have to suffer such awful pain. Why Steve and Sam had to suffer such a loss. I knew deep inside there were flaws in life. Watching my mother dwindle with dementia, and suffering all her life with emotional illness. Those were flaws I grew up with, yet, I've learned I wasn't adequately prepared for the flaws in life. Or maybe there just isn't any preparation. The design on the angel is flawed. It doesn't have adequate support in a place that was bumped and the ribbon came apart from the soldered foil. I've racked my brain trying to figure out how to design some support at that joint in the glass and I've come up with no sensible solution yet. I've racked my brain trying to come up with coping mechanisms to deal with the terrible loss of Alex. I haven't come up with a solution for that either. I've racked my brain to find a way to ease the pain that my daughter, son-in-law, and grandson are all suffering. No solution there either. I have learned one thing and one thing only: the older you get, the more complicated the flaws and the faster they come at you. I was never a quick thinker and I'm getting pretty bogged down in flaws. But I'm fixing that glass angel pin if it's the last freakin thing I do.