Great weekend!

The Runelady sold about $250 worth of merchandise at the Faire during opening weekend!

We're at the Faire!

We'd love to see you at our booth at the Great Lakes Medieval Faire! Come visit us down by the joust field!

IAMLOSTANDNOWI'MFOUND

Okay, obviously I am not a techno person of the barest order. I just had to have my daughter help me log on to this. They changed everything, including sign ins and I missed it all. Sigh. I am techno challenged.

I buried my dad on Saturday. It was difficult. It's still difficult. It's going to get more difficult because of his will and probate. Government agencies are created equally - they all consist of nonsense and garbage. This probate thing will be complicated and there is absolutely no reason why it should be. Laws are supposed to be created to protect. As far as I can see the laws connected to death are created to make the death more painful and frustrating.

So here are a few tips: Make A Will and GET IT NOTORIZED. Make certain ALL your paperwork is in one place. Keep up to date records of insurance policies - where they are, who they are with and who the beneficiaries are. And last, but by no means least, BE SPECIFIC IN YOUR WILL. Leave nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, to chance.

Goodbye Daddy - I will always love you.
Mikey - the only time I will sign like this

OK

My daughter explained to me in not too patient syllables that if I want responses I have to blog. Yeah Yeah Yeah. I understand that. She says if I want a following I have to blog consistently. Yeah Yeah Yeah. I understand that, too. The mind isn't willing, the body is weak, and the time just isn't working out too great. She doesn't understand that I'd rather play yahtzee with my husband than sit alone pouring out my hopes and dreams to a computer generated image. It's work, this writing. I know, I used to do it for a living - briefly, very briefly. And maybe that's where my problem hides itself. I used to do it for a living. I also used to do it for fun. Only, it wasn't. It was always hard work and I quickly (okay, not so quickly - ten years) came to the conclusion that I'm not all that good at it. Actually, my daughter is ten or maybe even fifteen times better at the written word then I'll ever be. She expresses herself well and eloquently. There seems to be something strangled in my soul. My expression, my ability to express myself, is glued inside this container that's welded shut. Has been since I was very young. I am not eloquent, not nearly as eloquent as I'd like to be. On occasion I can be humorous, sometimes downright funny, but those are rare occasions. Then there's this mourning thing. Six funerals in the last year and a half have left me speechless, grieving, and out and out bewildered. I cannot seem to function normally. I get moments of intense grief where I cannot even cry. I simply shut down. Then there's times when all I can do is cry. I realize this is an evolving process but I don't care. I don't like feeling like this. It's an isolating, demoralizing, depressing experience. Last but not least there's the glass. When I finally lift myself out of the funk, I find I'd rather do glass than write. For years and years and years, all I wanted to do was write a book that would sell. Then I started my journey down a different path. I discovered I could do stained glass. Where stories whirled through my brain, now patterns of light and color abide. To draw, to cut, to grind, to foil, to solder, to polish, to finally sign my name to a piece that I know will reside, someday, in someone else's possession has become a dream I can and have achieved. To create beauty from beauty makes me feel divine. Not in a God sense, no, more like a permanent legacy sense. I leave God to his own creating. I cannot compete and I'm human enough to realize I really don't want to compete. But God has given me divine inspiration and I've taken off in flight with it. I fuss over it - the glass. When I'm done I'm proud but not ever satisfied. Ideas pop in and out of my head. Sometimes I write them down to create later. Sometimes I'll forget about them, then suddenly they reappear a couple of years later. I'm humbled that someone would actually enjoy owning one of my pieces. I wish I could see it as a business but I really see it as a calling. And all that interferes with sitting down at the computer and blogging. So if someone stops by to read occasionally, please be aware that I'll stop by and write occasionally. But it will be an inconsistent kind of thing. Either I'll be off cleaning house, or working full time, or spending time with my kids and grandkid, or doing glass, and occasionally sitting somewhere crying. Give me a look see occasionally but please don't be mad when it's inconsistent. Life intrudes, and occasionally, the outside swing calls for me to sit on a nice day and contemplate my life, look at my growing things, and just enjoy being. Wishing you all bright blessings. The runelady.

Unexpected

My mother died July 5. It is now November 5. I haven't blogged in forever because it's been hard to connect two thoughts together. My family is hurting and there is no denying it. Now my mother-in-law is having hallucinations, hearing voices and going through the horrible steps of dementia. It doesn't seem to end.

On top of all of this I have started the craft show circuit. I do only three a year. The first was a major disappointment sales wise. I think it was a combination of being stuck in a corner with only one table and horribly low attendance because the sun was shining and folks wanted to catch that last nice day for yard work.

Yesterday was the second show. The attendance was better. At the start, I was fine. Honest. Got the tables set up, got everything out and it looked great. Sat down to enjoy the crowd. Then a man from the church started off with this hokey Christmas music. I was fine. Then he started singing "I'll be home for Christmas". It was my mom's favorite Chgristmas song. I started to cry and I couldn't stop. I went into the bathroom and stood weeping while he finished the song. My mom was emotionally ill and we had a lousy relationship. Christmas was her favorite holiday, yet she handled it badly most years. Holidays were the time when her hallucinations were stronger and her mood was harshest. I stood in that bathroom with tears pouring down my face wondering what in hell was wrong with me. Although my mom and I clashed at every moment, I still miss her. She is no longer on this planet and I still have that twinge of guilt niggling at me. That little niggle of guilt that my very existence contributed to her discontent and unhappiness. And Christmas music makes it worse. Always has.

Life changes. It is ever changing. And yet, it stays the same. And sometimes it's a good thing. And sometimes it's a sucky thing. I'm hoping the last craft show isn't as hard as yesterday's was.

The good news is sales were better than the last craft show. The table as a whole didn't do great but we didn't crap out either.

And more good news is my sister finished her last radiaton therapy for breast cancer. She had a lumpechtomy (spelling iffy here) then 36 radiation treatments. When I call her and ask how she is, her reply is nearly always the same... "A crispy critter" is how she replies. We're hoping this is the end of it for her and that she heals and can get on with life.

The sucky things are winning dammit, and I'm tired of them.

Wishing you bright blessings.

Garden of Life

I have wild vines running rampant through my back garden. Some of them are morning glory vines. They have wrapped themselves around everything and almost killed a favorite early blooming azaelia. Last year, after Alex died, I didn't care about anything - gardening, glass, nothing. I allowed the vines to run rampant and this year I almost lost everything in the garden. I came close to losing everything in life too. I lost another grandson, Travis, and have contemplated letting the vines run rampant again this year. But.... I didn't get any blooming irises and almost lost my roses and I don't want to lose my life. So, with clippers in hand, I will eradicate as much of the vines as possible and try to keep diligent in saving what's left - of my garden and my life. I will try the best I know how. I'm not sure if I care if I succeed, yet, but I don't want to lose my options.

My mother is dying. She's going inch by painful inch. It is leaving scars upon the heart of my sister who has volunteered, in her own brave way, to watch and care for my mom. Another vine, another life. My mother's life has been full of hardship and I can't say she handled it well. Her leaving is hard also. May she find peace at the end of this rocky road, and a vine free garden to dwell in.

I have learned

I have learned....

Life is short, even when you're 88. My mother has 6 mos. to a year to live. She has stage 3 dementia and has been having strokes. She has brain damage and she no longer can swallow comfortably. The doctor wanted to put in a feeding tube. We won't/can't allow that. She pulled constantly at a brace when she broke her arm, I can imagine the havoc if she pulled a feeding tube out. The doctor's solution was to keep her drugged. I have learned that life at any cost is not life - it is just painful existence.

Hopes and dreams can be crushed in an instant. The loss of my two grandsons proved that.

Joy can come in small, energetic packages. We spent last evening with my living grandson, Sam, who celebrated his fourth birthday. He played and laughed and giggled and energized my heart and soul.

That love is unending and boundless. My daughter who has been devastated by the loss of two sons had the endless love to hug me and ask how I was. She gave me a gift of comfort that I am so grateful for.

That life, although uncertain, is still worth living.

Wishing you all bright blessings.

May

May is almost over. It started out full of promise.

How naive I was to talk of summer daffodils in April. April brought the death of a friend, farmer Ted. It brought the death of my brother-in-law Tom who suffered with lung and liver cancer.
May began with promise but then brought the death of my third grandson, Travis Leo. My daughter was four and a half months pregnant and Travis just...died. She delivered him May 8 and we buried him with his brother, Alex May 12.

To begin with, it is inconceivable to me that my daughter has three sons, but that two would be deceased boggles my mind. My daughter is the best mother I have ever seen. Why fate denies her bringiing up good people in this weary world is beyond me. I don't understand and I don't think there is any logical reason to justify her and my son-in-law's pain and anguish. I cry but tears cannot wash away pain and sorrow and the unbearable anger at the total unfairness of these tragedies. I don't want to plant flowers on graves. I want to hold laughing children in my arms. I want to hear my daughter laugh without the underlying fear of more pain. I wanted so much for my children and have since discovered that although I raised them and sent them out into the world with educations, my preparations were pitifully inadequate. We, as humans, take so much for granted.

It's gonna snow - oh no - not snow!!!!

My daffodils are bloomin so it's gonna snow. Isn't it the tale that it has to snow on the daffodils three times before winter is officially over???? Sigh. I hope not. But maybe I'll pick a daffy and take it to work. hmmmm

My begonias are really taking off now - and I have eight now. Yeah Rah!!!

I planted caladiums but it's wayyy too soon to tell if they're going to grow. I'm so excited -I also found hyacinths in the garden, I can hardly wait. Maybe I'll buy some summer daffodils - they look exciting.

BooHiss/Hurrah

This whole blog is about personal opinion - mine. I'm calling it BooHiss/Hurrah.

BooHiss - to the expert who refuses to testify that my daughter's former doctor was incompetent, arrogant, and negligent. There will be no lawsuit thus no justice for baby Alex. I pray God is keeping score because no one on this planet is willing to score that doctor in the negative numbers in public.

Hurrah - I have more growing things. LOTS more growing things

BooHiss - I killed my cactus - poor baby is wilting as I write this. Sigh

Hurrah - I hear peepers, lots and lots of chirping tree froggies to celebrate the warmer wetter weather.

BooHiss - to a religion who passes on a death sentence to anyone who leaves a belief they had the misfortune to be born to not chosen.

Hurrah - to the silence of Friday. I work with someone who just can't shut up and feels it necessary to say my name repeatedly until I am forced to answer then she has nothing to say but "am I annoying you, huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? - this conversation ACTUALLY took place. My head wants to explode by Friday because she's worn my nerves to a frazzle. The blessed peace of Friday is upon me at last.

BooHiss - my mom fractured her arm.

Hurrah - my mom doesn't need surgery - taping her fractured arm is all she needs. According to my sister, my mom says she is feeling no pain.

BooHiss - my work schedule has increased again this month.

Hurrah - I have two days off before Easter to go home to visit my mom.

BooHiss - I have no one to water my little growing things while I'm gone for four days and they so will need daily moisturizing.

Hurrah - the time change will be this weekend thus more daylight in the evening after I get off work.

Hurrah - Hurrah - Hurrah - my wonderful daughter has posted pictures of my little green growing things below. Thank you - Thank you - Thank you - my darling daughter.

Green Things

And then again....

I edited the below post about the stained glass so it would read the picture below it. Sigh. I will get this right, I hope.

Today I showed someone a picture of each of my grandsons. He said something about how sad when he saw my Alex's picture - the still born grandson. At that moment I thought something somewhat brutal and then I said it. I told the man that it was sad but that Alex would/could have been alive today. His death was preventable and that little niggle of hate made its way to my voice. Hate for the fact that my grandson is dead and the woman responsible is still practicing medicine and that fact is an abomination to me.

It's snowing today and it's supposed to snow tomorrow. Welcome to spring in the snowbelt. Bah Humbug. Thank goodness for my little growing things - hope for warmth springs eternal I guess.

The Picture

The picture below is an original design I've done in glass. I'm thinking of doing another with morning glories (in blue). And perhaps a pot of oxalis or shamrocks. And my favorite - climbing roses . Hmm, we'll have to see. Coming soon to a blog near you - more pictures of projects in the works.

I have green things and more and more are sprouting up. I can't wait until they are tall enough to take a decent picture.

Second try

Okay, here's the second try for a picture posting.

Oh My God My Daughter Is A Blog Genius. She figured out what to do to post my pictures. Thanks Kid It Worked. Yeah Rah Cath!!!!

Happy Friday.

This is a test

This is a test to see if I can add a picture. Well, here goes....this is not working and I don't know why - hmmmm

Growing Green Thingies

I have growing green things, I have growing green things, I have growing green things - only not nearly as many green things as I planted but all in good time, I think. For now, I'm excited about these little green thingies. :o)

I have been listing all that I need to make. I think I need to start drawing/cutting/gringing/foiling/soldering. Time's awastin. Once I figure out how to post pictures, I'll have the hubby take them and I'll post them myself. Seems my blog page helper(my kid) had a hard time with the pics I had the hubby email to her. So the solution is to avoid the email and learn to do it myself.

I can't wait to go bulb looking and perennial looking. I've got spring fever and it's really getting to me to try to weed/plant/grow/mulch. I'll take two tylenol and hope it goes away. Looks like I have a LOT of work ahead of me. Sigh

Happy St. Patrick's Day

The corned beef is slow cooking with potatoes and carrots and I can hardly wait. Happy St. Patrick's Day to my son-in-law Steve who is so Irish he should be a green shamrock!!!

Which makes my grandson half Polish and half Irish. Now what a combination is that???

Today I received a mystery gift. Someone sent me a $20 gift card from Dick's Sporting Goods. Neither I nor my husband have any idea why or who or where the card came from but the envelope was addressed to me from Archway Marketing. hmmmmmm

Today my poor hubby is gimpy. His gout is acting up and he's taking ibuprofen and limping a lot, poor baby.

TGIF * TGIF * TGIF * TGIF * TGIF * TGIF * TGIF * TGIF

No ringing phones, no blathering co-workers, no complaining. YEAH!!!

Short

This will be very very short because it's thundering and lightening and I'm nervous and superstitious about computers and storms. (okay, breathing now)

Today wasn't so bad. MOndays at my place of employment are usually nightmares because I work in a doctor's office and everyone and anyone wants to see a doctor after waiting three weeks and a weekend of being sick. But today wasn't so bad. I left the office in relatively nice order and got out only a half hour later than I should.

I can't be too unhappy about the upcoming weather since I had three warm days and two days of listening to peepers but oh, it's so hard to anticipate an entire week of snow again. sigh

Shoz bot!!!!

Snowdrops

Peepers

Tonight I heard the first peepers - tree frogs. It was awesome. It was warm, foggy, and wet - perfect for peepers. The only sad thing is they were way off. I think this year I won't hear peepers on our property because of a home going up this summer behind us. Tree frogs migrate away from noise and it will take a couple of years for them to return to our back yard and woods. Ah well, at least I can hear them far off.

Tonight I planted coleus and tomatoes. Now we'll see if I can get the little green things to grow.