Familiar Echoes

It's November 11, for cryin out loud!!!

2008-11-10T21:54:00.002-05:00

It's November 11, for cryin out loud and I just passed Christmas decorations in a yard on my way home from work. What in blue blazes?????

Have been sick. Am tired of being sick. Sore knee, rash, bronchitis. Keeps me from doing glass and I have such LOVELY ideas. I can't wait to get started.

news and news and news

2008-08-14T21:30:00.002-04:00

First news - Harold's ng tube came out so they made an emergency run to University of Chicago to have it put back in since he is now where near ready to eat anything solid - poor sweety tried unsuccessfully to eat Jello. They numbed him but didn't wait long enough and thus reinserted tube in distressingly long minutes. At least it won't come out, we hope.

Second news - successful year for me at Medieval Faire - made 1100 plus dollars and sold many items. It just thrills me to know so many of my creations are in other homes. Makes me smile hugely.

Third news - went to unpack glass stuff today at the shop I am affiliated with. It was a stressful moment when the owner and a good friend argued and the friend left in a huff. I cannot help but cringe at conflict. Got a lot unpacked. Brought some stuff home to redo and to re-enforce. The day ended horribly. There was a call to the shop. Someone we've all known for quite a while at the faire (but only know first names for most players) who worked closely with the pickle goddess died of a stroke yesterday. When she didn't show on Sunday everyone got worried so Kathy, the pickle goddess, called Stephany's parents. They found her in her bathroom unconscious Sunday afternoon. They rushed her to the hospital. She was in ICU but died on Wednesday evening. She was 39. My heart weeps.

Sorry for the sad note but I want her remembered. She was always nice to me. God hold you safe in his/her arms forever, Stephany.

It's all relative

2008-08-03T14:57:00.002-04:00

On Thursday my brother-in-law was operated on for tongue cancer. They cut his throat from ear to ear, removed cancer from the base of his tongue and his tonsil. Then they moved over to his chest, cut his pectoral muscle, moved it around and ran it up the side of his throat to connect it to his tongue. Eventually he will be able to swallow and hopefully talk. He smoked. On the other hand, his mother never did and died of brain cancer so his propensity for this disease could be 50% smoking and 50% hereditary. My sister is not alone, her sister-in-law is a nurse so she was there to calm her when she finally saw him. The first time she saw him she was shocked, scared, and ill prepared for the sight. Thank God she had someone with her who KNEW what she was looking at. Friday was better - he looked better, had some color, and sat up all day because they promised if he did so, they would remove his Foley (catheter) and they did. Saturday he walked the hall three times, then fell asleep at 4, exhausted. My sister misses him. She has discovered her home is not a home at all. He is her home and when something like this happens, the reality hits her hard.

I did well at the fair yesterday. I think it was because the worry had lessened. Sadly I ripped my new skirt. It's a gorgeous blend of colors but it's muslin and fragile. I think I stepped on it. Now it needs sewn but I think I can do the repair so it won't be too noticeable. Or maybe I'll pay someone to repair it. Haven't decided yet.

I am off today, Sunday, to share the time with my spouse. It was our anniversary yesterday. We've been married 37 years, and he is my home. As long as he is on this plane (or is it plain?) of existence I will be at home. Once he leaves, I will be lost. We are going to see a movie and eat out. Probably not real good for us because we are both over weight but what the heck. It's hot and I don't want to cook. LOL

Wishing y'all bright blessings.

Thoughts

2008-07-29T21:54:00.002-04:00

I attended a friend's father's calling hours. It's been six months since my dad passed. I cried all the way home. Got to work and found out our manager's mother-in-law passed away this morning. Tomorrow night I will attend those calling hours. I hope I can hold it all together.

Last weekend we sold a lot of stuff at the booth. Seems kinda crass considering the above but I simply LIVE for the four weekends in July and the first two weekends of August. Having said that, I will only be there Saturday this weekend so C (my other half) and I can spend some time together to celebrate our thirty seven years of wedded bliss. Okay, our thirty seven years of coping with each other actually sounds better and is a lot closer to the truth. Sometimes marriage is just simply hard work - on both sides.

This is a time of creativity for me. More ideas popping inside my head every day. Every year I vow to continue doing glass all through winter and every year I fail to keep that promise to myself. I think the key will be to cut and grind as many new pieces as I want, then foil them at my leisure while watching tv this winter. We'll see how that goes - keep ya posted on that one.

Works in progress

2008-07-18T21:39:00.011-04:00

Great weekend!

2008-07-07T18:00:00.001-04:00

The Runelady sold about $250 worth of merchandise at the Faire during opening weekend!

We're at the Faire!

2008-07-05T08:00:00.000-04:00

We'd love to see you at our booth at the Great Lakes Medieval Faire! Come visit us down by the joust field!

IAMLOSTANDNOWI'MFOUND

2008-01-19T16:54:00.000-05:00

Okay, obviously I am not a techno person of the barest order. I just had to have my daughter help me log on to this. They changed everything, including sign ins and I missed it all. Sigh. I am techno challenged.

I buried my dad on Saturday. It was difficult. It's still difficult. It's going to get more difficult because of his will and probate. Government agencies are created equally - they all consist of nonsense and garbage. This probate thing will be complicated and there is absolutely no reason why it should be. Laws are supposed to be created to protect. As far as I can see the laws connected to death are created to make the death more painful and frustrating.

So here are a few tips: Make A Will and GET IT NOTORIZED. Make certain ALL your paperwork is in one place. Keep up to date records of insurance policies - where they are, who they are with and who the beneficiaries are. And last, but by no means least, BE SPECIFIC IN YOUR WILL. Leave nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, to chance.

Goodbye Daddy - I will always love you.
Mikey - the only time I will sign like this

OK

2006-11-26T09:01:00.000-05:00

My daughter explained to me in not too patient syllables that if I want responses I have to blog. Yeah Yeah Yeah. I understand that. She says if I want a following I have to blog consistently. Yeah Yeah Yeah. I understand that, too. The mind isn't willing, the body is weak, and the time just isn't working out too great. She doesn't understand that I'd rather play yahtzee with my husband than sit alone pouring out my hopes and dreams to a computer generated image. It's work, this writing. I know, I used to do it for a living - briefly, very briefly. And maybe that's where my problem hides itself. I used to do it for a living. I also used to do it for fun. Only, it wasn't. It was always hard work and I quickly (okay, not so quickly - ten years) came to the conclusion that I'm not all that good at it. Actually, my daughter is ten or maybe even fifteen times better at the written word then I'll ever be. She expresses herself well and eloquently. There seems to be something strangled in my soul. My expression, my ability to express myself, is glued inside this container that's welded shut. Has been since I was very young. I am not eloquent, not nearly as eloquent as I'd like to be. On occasion I can be humorous, sometimes downright funny, but those are rare occasions. Then there's this mourning thing. Six funerals in the last year and a half have left me speechless, grieving, and out and out bewildered. I cannot seem to function normally. I get moments of intense grief where I cannot even cry. I simply shut down. Then there's times when all I can do is cry. I realize this is an evolving process but I don't care. I don't like feeling like this. It's an isolating, demoralizing, depressing experience. Last but not least there's the glass. When I finally lift myself out of the funk, I find I'd rather do glass than write. For years and years and years, all I wanted to do was write a book that would sell. Then I started my journey down a different path. I discovered I could do stained glass. Where stories whirled through my brain, now patterns of light and color abide. To draw, to cut, to grind, to foil, to solder, to polish, to finally sign my name to a piece that I know will reside, someday, in someone else's possession has become a dream I can and have achieved. To create beauty from beauty makes me feel divine. Not in a God sense, no, more like a permanent legacy sense. I leave God to his own creating. I cannot compete and I'm human enough to realize I really don't want to compete. But God has given me divine inspiration and I've taken off in flight with it. I fuss over it - the glass. When I'm done I'm proud but not ever satisfied. Ideas pop in and out of my head. Sometimes I write them down to create later. Sometimes I'll forget about them, then suddenly they reappear a couple of years later. I'm humbled that someone would actually enjoy owning one of my pieces. I wish I could see it as a business but I really see it as a calling. And all that interferes with sitting down at the computer and blogging. So if someone stops by to read occasionally, please be aware that I'll stop by and write occasionally. But it will be an inconsistent kind of thing. Either I'll be off cleaning house, or working full time, or spending time with my kids and grandkid, or doing glass, and occasionally sitting somewhere crying. Give me a look see occasionally but please don't be mad when it's inconsistent. Life intrudes, and occasionally, the outside swing calls for me to sit on a nice day and contemplate my life, look at my growing things, and just enjoy being. Wishing you all bright blessings. The runelady.

Unexpected

2006-11-12T15:06:00.000-05:00

My mother died July 5. It is now November 5. I haven't blogged in forever because it's been hard to connect two thoughts together. My family is hurting and there is no denying it. Now my mother-in-law is having hallucinations, hearing voices and going through the horrible steps of dementia. It doesn't seem to end.

On top of all of this I have started the craft show circuit. I do only three a year. The first was a major disappointment sales wise. I think it was a combination of being stuck in a corner with only one table and horribly low attendance because the sun was shining and folks wanted to catch that last nice day for yard work.

Yesterday was the second show. The attendance was better. At the start, I was fine. Honest. Got the tables set up, got everything out and it looked great. Sat down to enjoy the crowd. Then a man from the church started off with this hokey Christmas music. I was fine. Then he started singing "I'll be home for Christmas". It was my mom's favorite Chgristmas song. I started to cry and I couldn't stop. I went into the bathroom and stood weeping while he finished the song. My mom was emotionally ill and we had a lousy relationship. Christmas was her favorite holiday, yet she handled it badly most years. Holidays were the time when her hallucinations were stronger and her mood was harshest. I stood in that bathroom with tears pouring down my face wondering what in hell was wrong with me. Although my mom and I clashed at every moment, I still miss her. She is no longer on this planet and I still have that twinge of guilt niggling at me. That little niggle of guilt that my very existence contributed to her discontent and unhappiness. And Christmas music makes it worse. Always has.

Life changes. It is ever changing. And yet, it stays the same. And sometimes it's a good thing. And sometimes it's a sucky thing. I'm hoping the last craft show isn't as hard as yesterday's was.

The good news is sales were better than the last craft show. The table as a whole didn't do great but we didn't crap out either.

And more good news is my sister finished her last radiaton therapy for breast cancer. She had a lumpechtomy (spelling iffy here) then 36 radiation treatments. When I call her and ask how she is, her reply is nearly always the same... "A crispy critter" is how she replies. We're hoping this is the end of it for her and that she heals and can get on with life.

The sucky things are winning dammit, and I'm tired of them.

Wishing you bright blessings.

Garden of Life

2006-06-07T07:08:00.000-04:00

I have wild vines running rampant through my back garden. Some of them are morning glory vines. They have wrapped themselves around everything and almost killed a favorite early blooming azaelia. Last year, after Alex died, I didn't care about anything - gardening, glass, nothing. I allowed the vines to run rampant and this year I almost lost everything in the garden. I came close to losing everything in life too. I lost another grandson, Travis, and have contemplated letting the vines run rampant again this year. But.... I didn't get any blooming irises and almost lost my roses and I don't want to lose my life. So, with clippers in hand, I will eradicate as much of the vines as possible and try to keep diligent in saving what's left - of my garden and my life. I will try the best I know how. I'm not sure if I care if I succeed, yet, but I don't want to lose my options.

My mother is dying. She's going inch by painful inch. It is leaving scars upon the heart of my sister who has volunteered, in her own brave way, to watch and care for my mom. Another vine, another life. My mother's life has been full of hardship and I can't say she handled it well. Her leaving is hard also. May she find peace at the end of this rocky road, and a vine free garden to dwell in.

I have learned

2006-05-28T08:44:00.000-04:00

I have learned....

Life is short, even when you're 88. My mother has 6 mos. to a year to live. She has stage 3 dementia and has been having strokes. She has brain damage and she no longer can swallow comfortably. The doctor wanted to put in a feeding tube. We won't/can't allow that. She pulled constantly at a brace when she broke her arm, I can imagine the havoc if she pulled a feeding tube out. The doctor's solution was to keep her drugged. I have learned that life at any cost is not life - it is just painful existence.

Hopes and dreams can be crushed in an instant. The loss of my two grandsons proved that.

Joy can come in small, energetic packages. We spent last evening with my living grandson, Sam, who celebrated his fourth birthday. He played and laughed and giggled and energized my heart and soul.

That love is unending and boundless. My daughter who has been devastated by the loss of two sons had the endless love to hug me and ask how I was. She gave me a gift of comfort that I am so grateful for.

That life, although uncertain, is still worth living.

Wishing you all bright blessings.

May

2006-05-21T08:50:00.000-04:00

May is almost over. It started out full of promise.

How naive I was to talk of summer daffodils in April. April brought the death of a friend, farmer Ted. It brought the death of my brother-in-law Tom who suffered with lung and liver cancer.
May began with promise but then brought the death of my third grandson, Travis Leo. My daughter was four and a half months pregnant and Travis just...died. She delivered him May 8 and we buried him with his brother, Alex May 12.

To begin with, it is inconceivable to me that my daughter has three sons, but that two would be deceased boggles my mind. My daughter is the best mother I have ever seen. Why fate denies her bringiing up good people in this weary world is beyond me. I don't understand and I don't think there is any logical reason to justify her and my son-in-law's pain and anguish. I cry but tears cannot wash away pain and sorrow and the unbearable anger at the total unfairness of these tragedies. I don't want to plant flowers on graves. I want to hold laughing children in my arms. I want to hear my daughter laugh without the underlying fear of more pain. I wanted so much for my children and have since discovered that although I raised them and sent them out into the world with educations, my preparations were pitifully inadequate. We, as humans, take so much for granted.

It's gonna snow - oh no - not snow!!!!

2006-04-04T22:38:00.000-04:00

My daffodils are bloomin so it's gonna snow. Isn't it the tale that it has to snow on the daffodils three times before winter is officially over???? Sigh. I hope not. But maybe I'll pick a daffy and take it to work. hmmmm

My begonias are really taking off now - and I have eight now. Yeah Rah!!!

I planted caladiums but it's wayyy too soon to tell if they're going to grow. I'm so excited -I also found hyacinths in the garden, I can hardly wait. Maybe I'll buy some summer daffodils - they look exciting.

BooHiss/Hurrah

2006-03-31T23:06:00.000-05:00

This whole blog is about personal opinion - mine. I'm calling it BooHiss/Hurrah.

BooHiss - to the expert who refuses to testify that my daughter's former doctor was incompetent, arrogant, and negligent. There will be no lawsuit thus no justice for baby Alex. I pray God is keeping score because no one on this planet is willing to score that doctor in the negative numbers in public.

Hurrah - I have more growing things. LOTS more growing things

BooHiss - I killed my cactus - poor baby is wilting as I write this. Sigh

Hurrah - I hear peepers, lots and lots of chirping tree froggies to celebrate the warmer wetter weather.

BooHiss - to a religion who passes on a death sentence to anyone who leaves a belief they had the misfortune to be born to not chosen.

Hurrah - to the silence of Friday. I work with someone who just can't shut up and feels it necessary to say my name repeatedly until I am forced to answer then she has nothing to say but "am I annoying you, huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? - this conversation ACTUALLY took place. My head wants to explode by Friday because she's worn my nerves to a frazzle. The blessed peace of Friday is upon me at last.

BooHiss - my mom fractured her arm.

Hurrah - my mom doesn't need surgery - taping her fractured arm is all she needs. According to my sister, my mom says she is feeling no pain.

BooHiss - my work schedule has increased again this month.

Hurrah - I have two days off before Easter to go home to visit my mom.

BooHiss - I have no one to water my little growing things while I'm gone for four days and they so will need daily moisturizing.

Hurrah - the time change will be this weekend thus more daylight in the evening after I get off work.

Hurrah - Hurrah - Hurrah - my wonderful daughter has posted pictures of my little green growing things below. Thank you - Thank you - Thank you - my darling daughter.

Green Things

2006-03-30T10:41:00.000-05:00

And then again....

2006-03-25T20:16:00.000-05:00

I edited the below post about the stained glass so it would read the picture below it. Sigh. I will get this right, I hope.

Today I showed someone a picture of each of my grandsons. He said something about how sad when he saw my Alex's picture - the still born grandson. At that moment I thought something somewhat brutal and then I said it. I told the man that it was sad but that Alex would/could have been alive today. His death was preventable and that little niggle of hate made its way to my voice. Hate for the fact that my grandson is dead and the woman responsible is still practicing medicine and that fact is an abomination to me.

It's snowing today and it's supposed to snow tomorrow. Welcome to spring in the snowbelt. Bah Humbug. Thank goodness for my little growing things - hope for warmth springs eternal I guess.

The Picture

2006-03-24T22:40:00.000-05:00

The picture below is an original design I've done in glass. I'm thinking of doing another with morning glories (in blue). And perhaps a pot of oxalis or shamrocks. And my favorite - climbing roses . Hmm, we'll have to see. Coming soon to a blog near you - more pictures of projects in the works.

I have green things and more and more are sprouting up. I can't wait until they are tall enough to take a decent picture.

Second try

2006-03-24T07:01:00.000-05:00

Okay, here's the second try for a picture posting.

Oh My God My Daughter Is A Blog Genius. She figured out what to do to post my pictures. Thanks Kid It Worked. Yeah Rah Cath!!!!

Happy Friday.

This is a test

2006-03-22T22:55:00.000-05:00

This is a test to see if I can add a picture. Well, here goes....this is not working and I don't know why - hmmmm

Growing Green Thingies

2006-03-22T22:45:00.000-05:00

I have growing green things, I have growing green things, I have growing green things - only not nearly as many green things as I planted but all in good time, I think. For now, I'm excited about these little green thingies. :o)

I have been listing all that I need to make. I think I need to start drawing/cutting/gringing/foiling/soldering. Time's awastin. Once I figure out how to post pictures, I'll have the hubby take them and I'll post them myself. Seems my blog page helper(my kid) had a hard time with the pics I had the hubby email to her. So the solution is to avoid the email and learn to do it myself.

I can't wait to go bulb looking and perennial looking. I've got spring fever and it's really getting to me to try to weed/plant/grow/mulch. I'll take two tylenol and hope it goes away. Looks like I have a LOT of work ahead of me. Sigh

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2006-03-17T18:34:00.000-05:00

The corned beef is slow cooking with potatoes and carrots and I can hardly wait. Happy St. Patrick's Day to my son-in-law Steve who is so Irish he should be a green shamrock!!!

Which makes my grandson half Polish and half Irish. Now what a combination is that???

Today I received a mystery gift. Someone sent me a $20 gift card from Dick's Sporting Goods. Neither I nor my husband have any idea why or who or where the card came from but the envelope was addressed to me from Archway Marketing. hmmmmmm

Today my poor hubby is gimpy. His gout is acting up and he's taking ibuprofen and limping a lot, poor baby.

TGIF * TGIF * TGIF * TGIF * TGIF * TGIF * TGIF * TGIF

No ringing phones, no blathering co-workers, no complaining. YEAH!!!

Short

2006-03-13T21:25:00.000-05:00

This will be very very short because it's thundering and lightening and I'm nervous and superstitious about computers and storms. (okay, breathing now)

Today wasn't so bad. MOndays at my place of employment are usually nightmares because I work in a doctor's office and everyone and anyone wants to see a doctor after waiting three weeks and a weekend of being sick. But today wasn't so bad. I left the office in relatively nice order and got out only a half hour later than I should.

I can't be too unhappy about the upcoming weather since I had three warm days and two days of listening to peepers but oh, it's so hard to anticipate an entire week of snow again. sigh

Shoz bot!!!!

Snowdrops

2006-03-13T07:49:00.000-05:00

Peepers

2006-03-12T23:29:00.000-05:00

Tonight I heard the first peepers - tree frogs. It was awesome. It was warm, foggy, and wet - perfect for peepers. The only sad thing is they were way off. I think this year I won't hear peepers on our property because of a home going up this summer behind us. Tree frogs migrate away from noise and it will take a couple of years for them to return to our back yard and woods. Ah well, at least I can hear them far off.

Tonight I planted coleus and tomatoes. Now we'll see if I can get the little green things to grow.

Plants

2006-03-11T23:28:00.000-05:00

Today I planted begonias - sadly some did not survive. Ah well, lesson well learned. I also planted foxglove, lupine, columbine, hollyhock, gallardia, daisies, flax, poppy, and some I can't pronounce or spell. LOL Well see what kinds of seedlings I get. I need to buy a few more flats so I can start some coleus. We'll see what kinds of seedlings I get. They were off to a rough start. I prepared the flat with soil then promptly dropped the bugger all over the basement laundry room. Soooo, I swept it all up, rescued what I could, and filled it up again. Then I planted the seeds. Luckily I hadn't planted it before I dropped it. Sheesh.

It was 60 degrees today and absolutely beautiful. I really enjoyed the day. I also got a little laundry done and my dishes washed. Then I washed goblets to prepare them for foiling and soldering. Now I have to start making up patters in my head. That has to be the hardest part of it all. The rest is just mechanical, methodical, grunt work.

Forgot to get the hubby to take the snow drop pics. I discovered the ones I spread about did survive and are now up. Soon they will spread. I have a lot of stuff to clean out of the garden in back and the flower beds. Lots of work ahead in the oncoming spring days. Supposed to snow this week so I probably won't get any of that done until later in the month.

A taste of Spring

2006-03-10T23:48:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I plant a few seeds and I'm so excited. I'm also going to order some seeds from Parks Seeds.

My snowdrops are just blooming beautifully. Hoping to get hubby to take pic and send it to my kid who will post the pic on this blog - hint hint hint.

The daffodils are coming up and spring is in the air - as is snow for the end of this week. LOL Sixty degrees tomorrow and thirty two degrees predicted for Thursday. Spring in this part of Ohio is Always a surprise. LOL

The best part of today - I get to go to sleep knowing I don't have to go to work tomorrow. Yeah Rah Me!!!

Three in a Row!!!

2006-03-09T22:53:00.000-05:00

Three posts in a row!!! !Wow! I'm not promising I'll keep this up but I do promise to post more often then (than?) once a month.

My tuberous begonias are already sprouting so I think I'm going to plant my planters and keep them in front of the family room sliding glass door so they get enough light. I may even turn on a few florescents in the area. We'll see. I wish I had marked each begonia as I planted it because now I can't tell the hanging ones from the others - although I believe the smaller sized ones may be the hanging begonias.

Today I got my teeth cleaned, bought some lounging jammies at the dollar store and a couple of goblets, then more or less loafed. It was a nice afternoon and evening.

I see they threw off the tall girl on American Idol. I haven't watched much so don't know just how good she was. Bo Bice was on as a guest - the boy needs some work ... maybe a coach. Ah well.

Tomorrow is Friday. TGIF!!!!

Stained Glass & Naps

2006-03-08T20:37:00.000-05:00

I got home from work and lay down on the couch. My eyes popped open and my brain nagged me. I got up, took my foiled and pinned stained glass letter downstairs, soldered it, washed it, brought it upstairs, polished it, took it downstairs and signed it, then brought it back upstairs to glue a crystal on and box it. I wrote up my sales slip. I now feel I've defied this tired state of affairs and actually got something done. And it feels good. And it gave me a really great idea for things for the medieval faire for this summer. Yeah me!!!
You see, illuminated letters are really tough to sell unless it's a special order. That's hard to get from one example. But I now have come up with something highly saleable, different, and easy to do. Yeah Me even more!!!
I found my tuberous begonias are beginning to sprout. I now have lights. This Saturday I will plant them in individual small pots and see what I can get. I can hardly wait.

expectations

2006-03-07T23:17:00.000-05:00

I'm supposed to blog every day. It's supposed to be fun. NOT!!! I'm 57 years old and I work hard all day and the last thing, the very last thing, I want to do is think, type, edit, sound coherant. So, I'm guilty of not blogging every day. I think about it but sit down on the couch and fall fast asleep. But tonight I thought I'd take a minute to say how very sad it is that Christopher Reeves wife died of cancer. Their child is an orphan and he must be feeling very vulnerable and alone at this moment. Nothing can bring his folks back and I'm hoping he can make it through this very very rough time. WE all need to remember how vulnerable we are to death and who we will leave behind.

My hubby put up a light on a shelf and now I can start seedlings. When I get a moment of energy. I confess I can hardly wait to see if I might succeed where I so often fail. I'm hoping to have pics in a few weeks of growiing little green things. :0)

They say time flies when you're having fun. Well, maybe so, I have yet to try that fun thingy. Time is flying and I'm having trouble keeping everything within reach. My enthusiasm for life and my projects far outrun my energy. I don't feel old. I feel tired. Now, I have just finished a seven day course of antibiotics for a sinus infection that I though would pop my eyeballs right out of my head, so maybe tired is just the backlash. I'll let you know when I post the pics of the little green growiing things. LOL

movie critique

2006-01-28T20:43:00.000-05:00

My husband and I went out for dinner on Friday. We stopped at a local grocery that has a video rental attached and we rented two movies. Watched Star Wars, Revenge of the Sith. BOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIING. AND BAD!!!! AND the lousiest acting I've seen in like forever!!!!!!! The ending was CHEESY.

First let us review the total lack of emotion (actually the only emotion I saw was from Yoda and his face doesn't change but it was there in his voice). Nothing was believable. Nothing. The bad guy pleading for his life, then killing the good Jedi - blech. Bad acting, not believable. Of course the other Jedi is standing there with is finger up his nose - not literally but if it were it would have been better than what was presented. Supposedly he would do anything to save his wife - and says it like he's ordering a glass of water. Then the bad guy sends him off to the Jedi Temple - at least they didn't show him killing the children. Oh, wait. They call them the younglings. I suppose that's to make it less horrendous. Then Obi Kanobe describes it like the bad Jedi took a walk in the park and pissed on a tree in public. I get more emotion from the grapefruit sitting on my counter.

The ending was absolutely priceless. Here's this little thing of a woman who dies because she has no will to live because her Jedi husband has turned to the dark side. OH MY GOD! Talk about your stereotypical little woman syndrome. Now mind you, this is the same woman who can weild a light saber in the previous movie killing clones right and left, not to mention going behind enemy lines for the sake of her country!!!! Give me a freakin break!!! Had they turned this woman into a warm pile of cow manure, it would have been more believable than the role they gave her in this movie.

Then this same woman supposedly delivers TWINS - did I mention that just before this she trots out of a space ship and skips down the ramp. Yeah, that's freakin believable. The twins they pop out of her aren't this little teenee weenee babies - heck no. They both look around 7 or 8 pounds. To all the women in the world who have had even tiny babies, does the word waddle have any meaning????? They've got her on this table, about to deliver, and this mound looks like she's got a freaking mosquito bite on her belly.

By the time this movie was over I was silently cheering for the doggone Sith. And as bad guys, they were about as effective as limp spaghetti. I will tell you this - it's a good thing they showed the first three movies of Star Wars first because if they'd used this movie as a jump-off point to others, there would have been a dirth of movie goers.

Flaws

2006-01-03T23:59:00.000-05:00

I made my daughter an angel to wear on her coat. A ribbon angel representing our grandson Alex who died three weeks before he was to be born. It is a loss I grieve over every single day since that awful call May 9 when Catherine tearfully told me they couldn't find a heartbeat when she went in for her routine check-up. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of Alex or Sam, my living grandson. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder why my child, why did she have to suffer such awful pain. Why Steve and Sam had to suffer such a loss. I knew deep inside there were flaws in life. Watching my mother dwindle with dementia, and suffering all her life with emotional illness. Those were flaws I grew up with, yet, I've learned I wasn't adequately prepared for the flaws in life. Or maybe there just isn't any preparation. The design on the angel is flawed. It doesn't have adequate support in a place that was bumped and the ribbon came apart from the soldered foil. I've racked my brain trying to figure out how to design some support at that joint in the glass and I've come up with no sensible solution yet. I've racked my brain trying to come up with coping mechanisms to deal with the terrible loss of Alex. I haven't come up with a solution for that either. I've racked my brain to find a way to ease the pain that my daughter, son-in-law, and grandson are all suffering. No solution there either. I have learned one thing and one thing only: the older you get, the more complicated the flaws and the faster they come at you. I was never a quick thinker and I'm getting pretty bogged down in flaws. But I'm fixing that glass angel pin if it's the last freakin thing I do.

Lights

2006-01-02T22:47:00.000-05:00

My daughter made me this awesome shawl. It's almost big enough to be a throw and I've used it as a throw. It's a gorgeous deep blue variegating into light blue (or gray, can't tell). It's warm and soft and brings me such comfort. Thanks daughter.

Christmas is done, New Year's is done, and we all return to those everyday dull routines. All the decorations have been put away except for the base to the train set up. All the twinkle lights are gone and it's dull, dull, dull. Even my hubby said it's dark without the Christmas tree lights. I'd love to find a stick tree or an artificial ficus, put white twinkle lights on it and stick it in the dark corner. Flip of a switch and twinkle lights appear. That would be cool. Perhaps some day.

It rained and all the snow is gone. Today was gray and gloomy. I worked half a day so I might have the holiday off this Friday. Traveling home to the parents digs on Thursday. Wish I could say it's a happily anticipated trip but unfortunately, it isn't.

My mother's dimentia is progressing so rapidly she may be a danger to herself. I'm hoping to convince my sister to get a visiting nurse in or a caretaker. My brother-in-law takes very good care of my folks but my mother needs someone who can professionally assess her. Someone with a nursing background. Eventually my mother will need 24 hour care and that requires a nursing assessment. Needless to say, our trip home is not going to be the happy reunion that it once was, long ago.

Glass

2005-12-20T19:56:00.000-05:00

I have this problem. I have all these ideas for projects in glass that won't leave me alone. Some are weird and so I fly it by the man who keeps me grounded in these projects. He's part owner of the shop I work out of. The other owner has been my friend for more than 30 years.
I have this glass idea based on a piece I did for my art show at Pentagon Gallery in Cleveland Heights, Ohio. I built this three dimensional star around a twisted wire post. The piece I want to do began to grow in my head and I will do it eventually. Usually I don't jump right into the project because that tends to leave me with a piece that's half done because I've come up with a problem. That's usually when I go hotfooting it for Ross's help. His reply is usually something like "you didn't think this through or plan it, did you?" He's had to say it often enough to me that I do think the projects through and plan well. Now I run to him less often.
The piece I want to do is comprised of lots of little pieces built out and away from the post, around the post and will become three dimensional in the end. I want to kind of draw it out to make certain it won't eventually fall out of the foil and solder bindings.
I also want to plan colors, shapes, and textures. Hopefully I will debut the piece here on my blog.
Isn't the design of this blog spectacular? I thank my daughter for the design. She is a master artist herself, accomplished at crocheting and web design. Got the crocheting from me and the computer ability from her father.
Well, off to warm up - it's 6 degrees outside and this room is cold.

Chance

2005-12-19T22:10:00.000-05:00

It snowed overnight. I plowed through the end of the drive this morning and by chance made it out without getting stuck. I knew I'd have to shovel it out when I got home this evening to make it in because the street had not been plowed well and I knew, by chance, the plow would be back to finish the job.
My husband was in Indiana at his family's Christmas. I stayed behind because. By chance, I had to work Saturday. As I drove down the street at 6:20 I saw a light on and rejoiced that my husband had returned from Indiana. Not so, I must have left the light on this morning because the drive was more plowed shut than ever. So I parked the car next to the mailbox, slogged through the snow, donned my hat and my boots, grabbed the shovel, slogged back to the end of the drive, and began shoveling.
I climbed over the pile of ice chunks deposited by your friendly local oh-so-helpful plow guy and on to the street. I attacked the left side when I spotted a car drive in to the street, heading my way. I moved to the right side of the drive as it stopped behind me when all of a sudden BOOM! Down I went, landing on my backside and cracking my right elbow. By chance I had stepped on the underlying ice. I lay there stunned as my husband got out of the car and asked what I was doing laying in the street. I fell, was my muttered answer as he offered a hand to help me up. I declined as I got to my knees explaining that I needed a little time to assess if I'd broken anything. He took the shovel and made quick work of the drive as I got to my feet. He asked if I was okay and I told him I guessed so. I climbed in my car as he climbed in his. I drove around the cul-de-sac as he pulled into the drive. Then I pulled into the drive and parked the car in the garage.
Then it hit me. Had I fallen before he came down the street and around the corner and had I lay there gathering my wits, he would have driven right over my head as he entered the drive. I was in my black coat, laying on the street and he might never have seen me in time. The road was icy and had he seen me at the last minute and slammed on his brakes, he would possibly driven or slid over me anyway.
Chance can be a very scary thing.

12/17/05

2005-12-18T21:23:00.000-05:00

Life

2005-12-18T10:37:00.000-05:00

I'm depressed.

I've had to watch my eldest daughter go through one of the most horrendous experiences to ever happen to a woman, the loss of a baby. I sat and watched as she went through labor knowing her baby was dead, three days before he was to deliver. Hoping beyond hope the doctors were wrong and knowing he was indeed dead. And so, we buried little Alex Gerard Colgan in the cold, cold ground last May. I've watched her struggle with life's unfairness ever since and feel totally helpless while watching my child suffer the loss of her child. I pray every day that I've given her enough strength to carry on to the better times.

After 24 years of good service, my husband was let go. Why? Because he was good at what he did and they rewarded him with raises. He made too much money. They didn't offer him the job at a lower pay because he was two years from retirement, which meant they would have to contribute towards his retirement until he died. This way, they cut their losses early and cut his heart and soul out. He sits. He plays solitaire on the computer, watches tv and listens to music. Once in a while he'll agree to do something around the house (which desperately needs a whole lot of somethings done) but for the most part he sits and his brain is turning to mush.

Did I say I was depressed? Perhaps I should rephrase that - I'm desperate and depressed. I cannot help my daughter, although occasionally I try by offering and ear or a hug. Only time will ease the pain and scab over the wound. The scar will remain for as long as she lives. Alex's existence will remain geneologically forever, unless someone completely destroys the lineage or the planet. Alex will forever remain the baby who lost his chance at life.

I've come up with a scheme, however, to get my husband thinking. It will take subtlety (where is spell checker when you need it?) and slyness, but I think it will work. Recently we put out the train set that I received as a gift from a friend. It's a Christmas display. Houses are lit and there is a pond - even Bethlehem with desert at one part of the oval. (big crashing sound outside indicates the huge icicles hanging off the gutters are melting and falling)The display is uneven and the train and cars fall off the track frequently. My big idea to distract my husband and hopefully getting him to think again is to propose a train display to actually fit our dining room table. One that is yearly appropriate. A display that can be designed (my husband was an electrical engineer) and slowly built. This display could actually take years. He has all the track and the train engines plus the cars. All he need do is design a display board and begin to build it. In my head I see mountains, waterfalls, a lake, farms, city life, little automobiles etc. etc. etc. Perhaps, out there in the world of commerce, there are actual kits to make buildings (I could provide the little stained glass windows for the buildings) which provides activity for his thought processes. I know it's my idea, my dream but with luck, I can make it his too.

My memory is bad because I'm trying to do too much. I have diabetes so could not get health insurance. Thus I have had to go to work full time. I hate it. I'm losing time with him, with my stained glass, with my family. I'm also trying to solve too many problems and running out of energy fast.

His memory is bad because he's not using it often enough. Perhaps, with this project, we can both dig out of the depression. I miss my conversations with him. I miss my time with him. Christmas has brought him out a bit and we've spent time shopping together (something he's hated in the past but actually tolerated this year). We've spent time playing Yahtzee together. We've done a bit of talking. But I hate the apartness when he's playing on the computer for four and five hours at a stretch or watching tv. He zones out and builds this impenatrable wall that shuts out the world. It's left me feeling alone. I married him because I love him and I don't want to be alone any more. More on those thoughts later....

It's Snowing Again

2005-12-11T08:13:00.000-05:00

It's snowing again. We've had 16 inches and set to get another 9. I knew, after all the hurricanes and tornadoes and earthquakes, that our weather was due to be weird. I normally love the change of seasons but this year I'm working and have to drive in it. I've already played bumper car with a snow bank. Guess I'll adjust but I have an ugly feeling this is gonna happen through May this year. (not the bumper car thingy, the snow)
My daughter is a nag. I know, I know, why have a blog if you're not gonna blog. Well, I've been busy. Made two large ribbons for her and three ribbon angels. Like the way they turned out. Glass is a pleasure I'm not getting much of these days. Cleaning, meetings, Christmas cards and decorating and work are getting in the way. Other words, real life. You can't cut glass if you're out Christmas shopping. You also can't blog. (please note, daughter)
I got this awesome glass. Think Van Gogh starry starry night. It's swirled in patterns like his painting. I got green and am going to make Christmas tree ornaments and pins. I really have to spend a few days organizing and thoroughly cleaning my workshop, however, before I begin creating again.
I contemplated covering my work table with a train set for December, and may do so. I can always cut glass at another table but first I must clean and organize. During the summer I'm so busy doing glass for the Medieval Faire and Fall Craft Shows that I let things get somewhat disorganized. I'm one of those folks who only clean when it becomes a nightmare.
I also have been told I have too much stuff but I'm not ready to relinquish any of it yet. I simply don't understand people who want to clean and organize until everything is bare and tidy. If you got the stuff because you like it to begin with, why on earth do you want to get rid of it after a few years. I mean, you acquired it because you liked it. Are you that fickle that you've changed your mind after a few years? Everything I own, whether it has purpose or not, was acquired because it appealed to me. Still does. Keeping with that same line of thought, just how come I have to organize according to the values of other people? Friends and family keep advising me, well you have to get rid of this or that, you don't use it. So? I look at it and smile - that serves a purpose, doesn't it? I'm 57 years old. Shouldn't I be able to do what I want, keep what I want, where I want, when I want? I think I've earned that priviledge. We are suppose to practice (and teach our children) autonomy. Don't follow the herd instinct. And yet, if you don't practice what the so-called herd wants, suddenly you're wrong. I don't get that. I'll get rid of my stuff, think what I want, watch tv shows I like, dress as I please, and generally be me and the rest of the world can go stuff a sock in it. Well, that made me feel better.

Since the mother won't post

2005-12-09T10:35:00.000-05:00

The daughter will do it for her...

Update from Mom...

Next Wed. is the ABWA Christmas dinner. This year we're having a Chinese Auction - everyone is supposed to bring a gift. I made a beveled hanging piece similar to the ones I took to Pentagon Gallery only simpler. Most of the bevels were already foiled, I had only to cut and foil two triangular pieces of glass and a long bevel. Won't take long to solder either. I think I'm going to make a few for the medieval faire. They're easy, fast and really pretty.

Welcome Sunday

2005-12-04T09:13:00.000-05:00

I welcome today, Sunday, with open arms and a sigh of relief. I don't have to be anywhere, I don't have to pack anything.....oh darn, yes I do. I have to return all my glass to my friend who will take it back to the shop for me so I can unpack it Tues. evening. She does this because she owns the shop and because the glass pieces won't have to sit in my car all day while I work. The weather is freezing and I don't want the glass to crack. I'm not certain it would but I don't want to take the chance on pieces I worked so hard to create.

I had a craft show yesterday and did okay. It was a pleasant day, something I was not expecting, especially after sliding into a snow bank. I was lucky, the guy plowing our street stopped to help and dug me out, while my neighbor, who witnessed the entire event while cleaning off his truck walked back into his house. Thanks neighbor. Why is life like that? Kind/uncaring, beautiful/ugly? One person was extremely kind to me while another didn't care one way or another. The snow creates such beauty, yet makes the road so treacherous and scarey. Perhaps we wouldn't apprecieate the kind/beautiful if there wasn't the unkind/ugly side. I don't know, I just know I'd like to try the kind/beautiful for a while without the other showing up quite so quickly.

The craft show had some interesting pieces with some really nice vendors. I met three aquaintances I hadn't seen in years. That was nice. My daughter usually helps with the booth but this year she couldn't face all the Christmas cheer. I'll get into why on a later blog. Had Italian wedding soup for the first time in my life and it was a lovely dish. Gonna have to try to recreate that dish.

I love to cook. I don't understand why it is I chose psychology (started out as an elementary ed major until I did my first observation in a first grade class with 28 energetic children - boy did THAT change my mind fast). I should have been a chef, but then the roads we choose determine our destiny and I wouldn't have met my husband and had the three wonderful children I have now. I would have had different children, probably. Don't think I like contemplating a different life with different children. I really like the ones I have. They are diverse, interesting people who have chosen their own paths. I enjoy their company.

Stay tuned for more of my life later. Or not. Whatever.

My first blog

2005-12-03T18:46:00.000-05:00

Well, here I am with another first. A sort of virgin (at my age that's somewhat ridiculous) blogging for the very first time - forgive me Madonna & Weird Al Yankovic. I am a stained glass artist. I am slightly insane over colored glass and cutting it in patterns that will please the art palette and eye. All for the sake of creating and selling. The other night I realized that I've sold quite a bit of stuff. When the weather turns bitter, I just might sit down one evening and count how much I have sold. I think it will surprise me and a whole lot of other folks (husband included). When I get good at this blogging stuff (it took me twenty minutes to log on and I have NO IDEA if this will even show up) I plan to explain my madness and perhaps convince my wonderful blogger daughter to post some pictures. I started in chat rooms but since I do a great deal of computer entry at my real-life job, I lost interest in sitting for prolonged periouds in front of the computer. This blogging thing has peaked my interest again, however, so tally-ho and awayyyyyyy we go....(as Jackie Gleason would say if he were still alive).

(the daughter finds the missing post and posts it out of order...yay daughter)

My second blog

2005-12-03T17:57:00.000-05:00

I can't imagine what happend to my first blog. My daughter, who got me started says she cannot find it, although I can find it. I have no idea what I'm doing so am trying this again. Sigh. I am so out of the loop computer-wise, I fear.

Works in progress

2005-11-29T10:39:00.000-05:00

SOLD

1972-02-08T17:59:00.004-05:00

Glass for Sale

1972-02-08T17:45:00.010-05:00

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Runes
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Divining Stones
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